UNIFIED WITH JESUS
Every Relationship Begins With Our Relationship With Him

Conflict can reveal areas of misalignment—with Jesus first, and consequently with one another. This applies to marriage, family, friendships, church, leadership, ministry, work, and even relationships with people who disappoint, oppose, or wound us.

Not every disagreement means someone is out of alignment with God. But conflict gives us an opportunity to ask a deeper question: What happens in me when Jesus confronts me? Do I tremble at His Word, repent, surrender, and follow Him—or defend my position, perception, preference, and right to be right? Jesus prayed: “That they all may be one… that they also may be one in Us.”— John 17:21. Those words—“one in Us”—are foundational.

Before pursuing unity with one another, we must pursue unity with Jesus. We can work hard to preserve a marriage, family, friendship, ministry, leadership team, or church. But if we are not individually surrendered to Jesus, what we call “unity” can become nothing more than negotiated agreement between competing wills. Jesus isn’t merely asking, “Can you get along?” He is asking, “Will you come under Me?”

ONLY GOD DEFINES GOOD

Jesus said: “No one is good but One, that is, God.”— Mark 10:18. Something can appear good and still need to be surrendered to Jesus. A relationship can appear good. A ministry can appear good. Keeping someone happy can appear good. Avoiding conflict can appear good. Preserving a relationship at any cost can even appear good. So instead of merely asking, “Is this good?”, we must ask: “Jesus, is this Your will—and what is it producing in me?” Look at the fruit. Is this producing love, peace, humility, patience, mercy, surrender, and obedience? Or defensiveness, agitation, offense, resentment, control, fear, and self-preservation? The deeper question isn’t simply, “Am I right?” It is: “Is Christ being formed in me through this?”

CAN JESUS CORRECT ME?

The fear of the Lord becomes visible when Jesus challenges something we desperately want to preserve. Can Jesus tell me: You’re wrong. Forgive. Apologize. Stop defending yourself. Speak the truth. Establish a boundary. Release control. Wait. Your perception isn’t Mine. Your preference isn’t My will. Repent. And when He does—how quickly will I follow Him? Proverbs 3:7 says: “Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and depart from evil.”

Perhaps one of the clearest manifestations of the fear of God is this: I become less impressed with how certain I am and more concerned with whether Jesus agrees with me. That changes every relationship.
• Before asking, “What’s wrong with them?” I ask, “Jesus, what are You revealing in me?”
• Before asking, “Why won’t they change?” I ask, “Jesus, where are You asking me to change?”
• Before asking, “Why can’t they see it?” I ask, “Jesus, is there something I am refusing to see?”
• That isn’t weakness. That is the fear of the Lord.

UNITY IS FRUIT

The gospel reveals a beautiful progression: Behold Jesus → Only He defines good → Grace reveals → Repentance agrees → We hear → We follow → Christ is formed → His fruit appears → Relationships are transformed → Genuine unity emerges → God is glorified. Notice where unity appears. Unity is fruit. We cannot manufacture it by getting everyone to agree with one another.

A husband and wife don’t need to surrender to whichever spouse has the strongest personality. A family doesn’t need to organize itself around keeping one person happy. A church doesn’t need everyone surrendering to its loudest voice. We all need to surrender to Jesus. Then our relationships with one another begin flowing from our relationship with Him. So today, ask Jesus:
• What am I defending?
• What outcome have I already decided must happen?
• What fruit is my present posture producing?
• What are You asking me to surrender?
• What is my next act of obedience?

Then pray: “Jesus, I believe I see this correctly, but You are Lord, not me. If my perception differs from Yours, change mine. If my desire differs from Yours, crucify mine. I choose Your will before I know what Your will may cost me. Help me hear You and follow.”

Jesus is King of kings, yet our King washed feet. Therefore, no husband, wife, parent, child, pastor, elder, leader, or believer is too important to humble themselves, repent, forgive, serve, and follow. True Kingdom unity begins when Jesus becomes more important to me than my need to be right—and every relationship in my life comes beneath His Lordship.